Updated Logline: “Soldiers of Fortune”

As I said before, all of my notes on my various projects were in storage for the move. I just so happened to start this blog during this move. One of the first things I put on here were loglines for my projects, all annotated that they were subject to change. (Read: write them from memory and replace them with the real versions once I got them unpacked.)

New Logline:

The government’s go-to bounty hunter has just three days to retrieve the Senator who’s been taken captive by treasure hunters.

Old Logline:

The State of the Union Address is in three days and that’s all the time a bounty hunter has to retrieve a missing Senator, who has been taken captive by treasure hunters.

So how exactly is this new logline better than the old one? For starters, the use of State of the Union Address isn’t necessary because we still have the same time limit (three days). We also are being more specific about the main character: not just a bounty hunter, but the government’s go-to bounty hunter. Why would the government go to this guy? What makes him so special? Questions like that are what helps a script sell… sort of. Lastly, notice that just by tweaking a couple phrases, the new logline is a bit leaner than the old one. Leaner = always better.

Here are a couple older loglines I came up with, descending from most recent:

  • The government’s go to bounty hunter gets roped into a treasure hunt while trying to bring home a kidnapped senator.
  • After a ship falls from the sky, a Senator goes missing while investigating it; giving a government-utilized bounty hunter three days to retrieve him before the State of the Union Address.
  • A bounty hunter has three days to retrieve a missing Senator, who was taken captive by treasure hunters.
  • The State of the Union Address is in three days, and that’s all the time a bounty hunter has to retrieve a missing Senator, who has been taken captive by treasure hunters.

Can you spot what might’ve caused me to change it from a previous version?

There are three components to a good logline: 1) Main character, 2) the goal, 3) the central source of conflict. You can read more about how to craft loglines in the links below. So are all three points shown in my latest logline? Let’s take a look.

1)Main character? Yep, the government’s go-to bounty hunter. 2) The goal? Yep, three days to retrieve the missing Senator. 3) The main source of conflict? Sure thing! The Senator’s been taken captive by treasure hunters AND there are only THREE DAYS to find him. (Double Whammy there)

It may not scream “BUY THIS NOW!!” yet, but that’s the point of this blog: to show improvement in a craft where there is always something new to learn.

Until next time, Movie Buffs!

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